Dear BAG, I have a long nosed hawkfish and I really love him. But I also love my cleaner shrimps. Every time I add a new one, the hawkfish eats it. I need help. What can I do to stop the hawkfish from eating them?

I frequently use a taser gun to get my point across to fish that misbehave. I use medium voltage to show them I mean business.

How do I get SPS corals to grow faster. I add B-ionic every day, and they still don’t grow! Am I doing something wrong?

Yes you are. Try putting on some Kenny G at the same time your lights turn off. Then Tuesdays and Fridays get a soft sponge and give the coral a slow rub. Up and down….

Hi BAG, I would like to know why people say that Sea Apples are not good for your tank. Should I take mine out?

Yes you should. Instead, I suggest putting a coconut in its place. While you are at it, add 2 1/2 lemons, a whole pineapple, and 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream topped with a fudge sauce.

A lot of people say that I should test for copper, since most of my corals aren’t doing so well. Is it necessary?

I would wait until a test kit for Plutonium comes out.

As always, the Bad Advice Guppy is geared in answering your tank’s dilemmas. Until next time reefnecks.

However, I don’t see it as unfair anymore.  Where some people see unfair, I see an opportunity.  Even if your LFS posts prices (and I believe that every single one should) you should still use some of these tips.

1) Haggle for (almost) everything

Haggling has been going on for thousands of years.  For some reason people, especially in North America, have stopped haggling.

“I’ll giveth you two copper pennies and my second born son for thine frag of Purple People Eaters“

I was in Egypt a few years ago and I learned the power of negotiation.  The light came on shortly after I bought some trinkets from a street vendor was carving them on the street.  He was charging 4 LE (Egyptian Pounds) each: about a dollar each.  A bit later, I decided I wanted another one and since I couldn’t find the same street vendor, I went into a shop and found something similar. “How much?”, I asked.  “75 LE each” was my reply.  I turned without saying another word and started walking out of the store.  I didn’t make it to the door, the shop keeper called me back and offered them to me at a significant discount.  I kept repeating that I paid 4 LE earlier in the day and I wouldn’t give him any more than that.  It took a while, but I left the store with a new insight and my trinket.

I do the same thing at my LFS.  If something isn’t labeled (and even if it is) I decide what it’s worth to me and what I’ll pay for it.  Then I’ll talk to the owner.  It’s amazing, but so many people are scared to ask for a better price.  This works best when you’re buying two or more things “$40 corals?  Hmm..I’m buying three, will you take $100 for all three?”

One of my favourite tricks is asking if taxes are included in the price.  In Ontario, we pay 15 13% sales tax – that’s almost a frag on a hundred dollar order!  Even if the store owner won’t give you the taxes off, he’ll likely throw in a frag as compensation.

A few pointers on negotiating;

• I typically don’t negotiate on dry goods unless there’s a big difference between stores.  I always have my iPhone with me so I can look up prices if something seems out of whack to me.  The margin on dry goods is razor thin.  Which brings me to my next point;
• Try and work towards a win-win situation with the store owner.  They need your business, but they shouldn’t lose money on the proposition.  They need to eat too.  The most I’ll try and negotiate is a 25-30% discount on posted prices on livestock and maybe 5-10% on dry goods and only if the price is high and I’m buying a bunch of stuff.

Other tips on haggling.

2) Have a favourite store…and use it as much as possible.

It makes negotiating prices a lot easier when the owner knows you.  At the stores I frequent, I’m known when I walk in.  They know what I’ve bought previously.  We have a history of pricing; he knows it and so do I.  “Well last time you gave me an acro colony for $60, but was pretty small.  How about you make it up by giving me a better price this time?”  Try it; it works.

I’ll also trust what my favourite LFS says.  If they recommend one pump over another, I’ll go with it.  The store knows you’ll be back and they don’t want to screw you over.  It’s harder for them to find a new customer than it is for them to keep existing ones.  Once they know you’re coming back, they’ll work hard to keep you.

3) Recommend people to your favourite LFS and let the owner know.

You want your favourite LFS to stay in business, right?  They need business!  Word of mouth is a powerful thing and will help your LFS stay afloat.

Don’t expect a reward for this, but he’ll look upon you favorably the next time your skimmer pump explodes and you need to borrow one until yours is repaired.

4) Don’t have an LFS you can trust?  Research. Research! RESEARCH!

Know what you’re buying.  This goes double for chain stores.  I once went to a chain store and asked how to lower my alkalinity.  The clerk recommended buffer.  Like the noob I was, I bought it.  Research!

What other tricks do you use to get a deal?

a) Do not submerge a dripping or effluent line
b) Always install a float valve when float switches are involved
c) Do not trust suction cups, look for proper ways to secure whatever is mounted.
d) Use smaller reservoirs for supplements and top off, never connect a top off to a continued water supply (like the RO/DI)
e) Tie / support your CO2 cylinder
f) All electrical connections and wires should be above water level. If under, use water proof NEMA enclosures. Keep all air pumps and ozone systems also above water level.
and use drip loops in the wires.
g) Reduce to a minimum the number of electrical wires submerged and the ones submerged inspect regularly for cracks in the insulation (Powerheads, heaters and such)
h) Whenever possible use low voltage (12 V) devices. Never use 110V on a float switch.
i) Use GFCI for all your aquarium power supply lines
j) Do not use a controller for dosing CO2
k) Do not use a timer to control dosing, get a variable flow doser pump.
l) Do not overdrive any light bulbs
m) Whenever possible use slip glued piping rather than threaded connections or hose inserts
n) Whenever possible use a water on the floor alarm and use a drip or flood pan.
o) Whenever working around the tank use a rubber mat to stand on
p) Insure proper grounding of all your electrical equipment
q) Keep your system and under the stand well ventilated
r) Keep your system and equipment neat and clean, dust off any salt misting around the sump.
s) Frequently inspect for and immediately repair any leaks no matter how small.
t) Frequently clean overflow combs from coralline and algae accumulation
u) Always use syphon break orifices where back syphon is likely
v) Use a small amount of silicone grease to lubricate any O rings used for sealing (Do not use it on bulkhead packings)
w) Do not overtight Kalk or Ca reactor cover flanges. They should leak if over pressure is applied in case a drip line gets clogged. Plan for a doser leaking or shaft slipping if the line gets plugged.
x) When using magnet cleaners place them against the panes away from each other then slide them one toward the other when attaching them.
y) Use reliable vendors and equipment proved safe, research equipment and designs before any purchases or installation. Fully read, understand and follow all instructions and safety recommendations.
z) Read, research and be patient and think clear, never panic.

PS – when you read the title, the Z should be pronounced “Zed”.  ‘Cuz Zed’s dead, baby.

How do I get my clownfish to host in my anemone?

Staples.

What’s the best way to control my flatworm population?

Take them on a trip to your local planned parenthood clinic.  They can get answers to common questions in a safe and confidential environment.

Can I put an Achilles tang in my 20 gallon tall?  I already have a Sohal and Vlamangi tang in there.

Yes.  Remember the golden rule of inches over gallons divided by the height of your skimmer times the number of pieces of live rock.  If that’s greater than pi, you’re good to go.

How much flow do I need?

Not enough flow will cause problems.  Too much will plaster your fish to the walls of your tank.  The ideal is somewhere in between.

Do I want a deep sand bed, a shallow one or bare bottom?

Yes.

What is this?

Looks like a cup of water.  Possibly salt water considering the hobby.  Hm…looks like you’ve got something at the bottom of your cup.  I wouldn’t recommend drinking it.

Do I have too much light over my tank?

Is your bulb brighter than the sun?  If it is, it’s probably too much.  I hope it doesn’t turn into a black hole.  That would be detrimental for your livestock and possibly your home.

My fish keep trying to jump out of the aquarium.  What do I do?

They sound depressed.  Maybe a change of scenery would help.  Take them for a walk.  Have they seen Deep Blue Sea?  It’s an uplifting movie for fish, kinda like their Shawshank Redemption.

Have a question for the bad advice guppy?  Send him an email!

1)      Plumbing Expert

This is pretty self explanatory.  You have a big glass box full of water in your living room with pipes running all over the place.  You will need to know how to fix leaks, swap out pumps and do water changes without spilling water on the floor.

2)      Master budgeting

How much does it cost for your tank to run every month?  When will you need to replace your closed loop pump?  Do you have money saved in case that happens?  Success in this hobby can be the difference between having a plan to replace burned out parts and not having one.

An addendum to this is learning to negotiate.  Prices at your LFS are never set in stone.  I usually ask for a better price if I’m buying a couple of things and I always do if I’m buying a lot.  A couple of weeks ago I saved about $150 on a $400 purchase just because I asked.  That’s almost 4 corals!

3)      Electrical Engineer

Do you have enough power to run your tank with the lights on, the AC and the stove?  What happens when you trip your GFI (You ARE using a GFI, right?) on your display tank, does your sump stop working?  Also, it’s important to know how to safely run your wiring so that its away from salt water.

4)      Chemist

How much alkalinity do you need to add to your tank to bring it up from 7dkh to 9dkh?  How will that affect your calcium?  What if your magnesium is low?  Don’t even get me started on your strontium levels.

5)      Stomach of steel

There are some weird things growing in our aquariums.  Also, cleaning your protein skimmer requires a gag reflex set to high.  ‘Nuff said.

6)      Vet

There are very few people in the world who know how to treat Cryptocaryoniasis in your Acanthurus shoal, so you’ll need to become an expert on researching, diagnosing and  treating disease.  Same goes for coral.  You’re going to need to know how to treat coral pests and parasites.

7)      Spotting great deals

And not just spotting great deals on coral.  The majority of my tank is second hand.  I got it from a guy who was getting out of the hobby.  I got a custom built brand new tank that had never seen water, metal halide lights, a stand and a sump for 1/3 the cost it would have run me to buy it new.  There are deals to be had, especially with the economy the way it is.  People are getting out of the hobby and selling their systems off for cheap.  Grab deals when they’re available.

It’s also great for knowing to use inexpensive chemicals instead of overpriced bottled chemicals.  Learn about sites like Bulk Reef Supply or where to source a big bag of Calcium Chloride.

8)      Hacking

I mean this in the programming sense, like this usage:

In the computing community, the primary meaning is a complimentary description for a particularly brilliant programmer or technical expert.

If not for some brilliant reef hackers, would we have the protein skimmer?  The refugium or the algae turf scrubber?  I consider people like Marc Levenson to be one of the best reef hackers out there (did I just coin the phrase ‘reef hacker’?)

9)      Dietician

Similar to item 6, you need to know everything about your charges.   You need to know what your fish eat, what they should eat and how to get it to them.  I make my own food and I’m a firm believer in feeding mainly marine originated food (I do use garlic).

10)   Catching fish

I consider this to be my best ‘useless’ skill.  I can catch a fish in just about any aquarium.  It’s great for fish that are trouble makers, sick or are eating things they shouldn’t (like my $50/polyp palys)

11)   1337 h4x0r wit pooters

The world is on the internet.  Find a local reef board, learn to sign on and post.  The most up to date information is online and there are thousands of people able to help you out.  LRN2GOOG.

12)   Know how to calculate the volume of water in a tank

(L x W x H)/231

Useful for dosing.

13)   Identify coral and fish

If you don’t know what it is, how will you take care of it?  I use CoralIdea and FishIdea when I’m out.  That information on my phone is powerful.

Am I missing anything?

Well since most organisms other algae that come on live rock are filter feeders I used Marc Weiss Spectra Vital . Here is a quote from the container “Spectra Vital is a revolutionary marine biocatalyst that will bring the organisms in your reef aquarium alive! Many organisms that would normally perish during the curing or acclimation of live rock can now survive, thanks to Spectra Vital. Delicate sponges, tunicates, and filter feeders flourish. Colorful life that you didn’t even know existed in your live rock blossoms! Also supplies necessary biocatalysts required by some species of larval fishes to survive and grow. ” I also added calcium along with purple up.

The credibility of the article hit rock bottom when it got to suggesting Purple Up.  I’m not sure if it’s a sneaky ad for Spectra Vital.

See that orange stuff in the middle?  Yeah, it’s gonna die.

The die off in newly aquired live rock is not from lack of feeding, but rather because live rock is shipped ‘moist’ so as to be lighter.  Any animals that survive shipment are purely lucky.  Delicate organisms like sponges will survive, but most of their bodies will die off due to air trapped inside.  The ammonia spike is from decaying organic material.

The best thing you can do is to add a skimmer to take out the dissolved organize compounds (DOC).

Unfortunately, it seems some people are following the above advice.

One of my favourite quotes in the hobby:

Nothing good happens quickly